Break-ups

“Did you have sex already?”  I asked my friend when he told me that he stopped seeing someone he knew from Facebook.  He looked at me with surprise as if to tell me why I am asking such a personal question.  I told him not to be ashamed, that it is a natural behavior especially to us males.  He said, “No.”

“So, why did you stop seeing him?”  I asked again.  “Isn’t it you have met him already and even told me you already dated several times?  You were even lauding him because he has a very nice body.  Why would you stop seeing him all of a sudden?”  He just answered, “He’s not that good looking as I thought he is.”

“Do you think sex is not important?”  I further asked.  “It’s not.  There are other criteria not only the physical one.”  He replied.  Am I more confused or what?

I know that I could not relate to people who have experienced breakups.  I guess this is because I have not experienced any.  But from what I have heard from previous breakups of my friends, there is always this hint of sexual incompatibility or burn-out. One friend told me that he broke up with his boyfriend because he was not sexually fulfilled by his partner.  Another told me that his boyfriend was only good looking but not good in bed.  And just recently, one friend reasoned out that his boyfriend doesn’t know how to reciprocate sexually.  Thus, basing from my friends’ experiences, sex has something to do with most break-ups.

My partner and I have been together for thirteen years.  There were instances that a break-up was in the offing because of misunderstanding on certain sexual behavior.  However, it never prospered since we always resolved the tension by asking that ultimate question.  “Mahal mo ba ako o hindi?”  Affirmation is our key in preserving the relationship.

"Did you have sex already?" This is a question whether there is truth to my theory that sex is an important factor to human relationships, much more to same-sex relationships.  Although the answer that my friend gave me was not directly related to sex, the physical aspect of his reason was still based from the very basic aspect of human attraction.  Of course, he could have provided them an opportunity to progress to a higher level and he could still be in a relationship right now.  

Relationships should not be destroyed by sexual matters because sex does not define a relationship.  There is no point of putting sex at the pinnacle of human needs because it is actually at the bottom.  What we need is to redefine our values so as to protect the one person who could bring us to our ultimate goal.  It should not be a problem if you and your partner are not sexually compatible because you will always find ways how to compensate this.  What is more important is that you and your partner have a complete understanding of what you need, and are set towards the same end.